ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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