Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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