remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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