He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
