i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
