Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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