I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Is Oprah even human
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
