I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
