you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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