i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
