Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
