weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
