Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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