I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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