Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My dick has a subreddit
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
