just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
