my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
