Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
