I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
