my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
