My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
