On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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