just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
