We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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