Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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