drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
