Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
