Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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