Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
