fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
