when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
