I'm really into asian looking animals
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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