i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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