Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
