if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
