I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
