everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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