this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
