Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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