So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
