I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
