I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
