I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
