he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
