I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
