That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
