I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
