Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
