I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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