I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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