peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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