At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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