I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
